Friday, August 1, 2008

Hockey Or Death!

"My dream and the best scenario would be if I ended my career as a Toronto Maple Leaf. That hasn't changed. But I'm not going to say that I'm not going to play anywhere else either, because I'm not really in control of that".

I've never seen anyone in such complete control of their destiny as Mats Sundin is now. Yet the battle rages on. If only this juggernaut of indecision could be defeated, if only the Dragon of Doubt in his mind could be struck down with a mighty cry, "Hockey Or Death!" Reminds me of Shakespeare's Hamlet. Rather, Mats Sundin reminds me of a Hamlet who's dropped out of high school, smokes too much weed, and won't stop watching the Discovery channel in the basement.
"To be, or not to be... that is the fucked up shit..."

"Would you please get a job!!"

"Mom, I told you a hundred times, I don't know what I wanna do!"

A long time ago I sarcastically suggested that Cliff simply give Sundin the control to make his own decision about returning and what kind of environment he'd like to be in. Then, upon the hiring of Ron Wilson, I took that as an indication that Cliff was here to stay, and that Mats Sundin still had the door held open for him, so long as his heart wasn't set on a Stanley Cup ('cause we know he's not about the money; Guy Carbonneau said so).

And so we waited. It rained a lot this summer. More then usual.

The negotiating rights to Sundin were traded away to bitter rivals, Montreal, but I concluded that it was insignificant, that Sundin had no interest in signing anything before July 1st. At that point, he had only two things on his mind: arctic fishing, and vowing never to go to Mark Messier's New York hair salon ever again. It's a scam. All they do is shave your head and charge you $70! Sure your head smells like flowers for a week, but it's also so slippery you can't wear a comfortable hat on a windy day. Time passed. Arctic fishing was a huge success. You should have seen him at it, he was unbelievable! If only this sport had the same kind of following as the NHL, Sundin's brilliance would be twice as legendary. So many fish overcome by raw talent. They never had a chance.

Meanwhile, I interrupted a post to announce the breaking news that Cliff Fletcher was doing everything he could to make the Captain comfortable for the upcoming season in Toronto. The funny part though, was that's exactly what Cliff said he was going to do, back on May the 28th.

"After I sit down and tell him what we have in mind- (which wasn't for public consumption then) -I think a clear picture will emerge for him", Fletcher said. "I think he'll be more comfortable."

Well, the Silver Fox made his moves, acquiring Grabovski, Hagman, Hollweg, Mayers, Finger, and Frogren. The public has consumed this information and developed opinion. A clear picture has emerged!
Montreal: You suck.

Vancouver: You suck worse.

Sweden's boring. Even in the summertime.

Of course Mats Sundin is a little sad about last season, but a broken heart can love again. Like all romantic losers, Robert Smith of The Cure loves the Leafs, and that guy's sad about everything.Robert Smith broke his heart in 1979 and made a career out of it. C'mon Mats. You can do it, too. We'll be here. Waiting in the rain. Wanting to die, or just to be given a little attention. Just like a Cure song. We're not sad anymore, Mats. Black is the colour of our love.


wrap around curl said...

Here is your Hamlet;

general borschevsky said...

Hey W.A.C.! Thanks for dropping by. That link is pretty funny. I hadn't seen it yet, but I'm not surprised there's other references like that. I drop by your site from time to time so it's nice to welcome you here. Thanks for sharing the video with us.

wrap around curl said...

No problem. I love the Steve Dangle vids. I almost always have some sort of tomfoolery to share.

general borschevsky said...

Cheers! I added a link in the post to the video under Mats Sundin reminds me of a Hamlet.
Also, if anyone's a Cure fan, first, there's now a link to a really cool clip from 1979 on the post, and second, would you please get a job!

Navin Vaswani (@eyebleaf) said...

love that picture of kovalev...