Here's a fun thing to do: Take quotes from someone else's coverage of a press conference, and use them out of context to create a dialogue between 2 people. In this case, let's use Paul Hunter's piece, which was really well done, great job and all that, and the two people in conversation will be new Leaf head coach Ron Wilson, and me.
Welcome Ron, and thank you for inviting me out for coffee with you. I must admit, when I saw you in the washroom at Pearson I was surprised that you approached me. Tell me, why did you want to do this imaginary interview with an ordinary sportsblogger after the press conference?
"You can get fooled by what other people write about you. Did I actually say that? Did I really do that?"
I think you did, but I get your point too. Good irony. Kinda like Damien's piece today. I thought it was going to be about you, but instead it was about playing baseball backwards and Frank Thomas, and had nothing to do with reality. Kinda like this interview. Moving on... any words for Sundin? Anything you'd like to say directly to Mats before he makes his decision on returning?
"Making the playoffs is not our goal. Our goal is to win the Stanley Cup. Period."
Wow. I've been waiting for a leader on this team to say those exact words ever since Pat Quinn left.
"I don't have Pat Quinn's presence. He walks into a room and it's a parting of the Red Sea."
Wow. Like Moses. So which Biblical figure would you be?
"Not the Antichrist."
Whoah. Let's hope not. How 'bout we step away from religion for a second. I hear you like Saturday Night Live movies?
"I'd kill to meet Will Ferrell. I think he's the funniest guy on the planet. I should probably say Mike Myers now."
Weird. Funniest guy on the planet, eh? You obviously haven't read DownGoesBrown. And, um, the second guy you mentioned, who's that? Never heard of him. Seriously though, you did say something there that was interesting that I'd like to follow up on. If a meeting with Mr. Ferrell can be arranged, who would you kill?
"Darcy Tucker for years was one of my favorite players, but... (another long silence) he's starting to wear down."
So, it'd be like a mercy thing. I get it. Speaking of movies, wanna go see a flick or something with me sometime? Would your wife mind?
"Hopefully I'll be able to go to a movie, maybe in a disguise... but I don't want you to think I'll be the guy in the back row in a raincoat with a box of popcorn."
No, I know that guy. He sends e-mails to Howard Berger. Changing the subject.. do you know anything about a curse or a hex on the Leafs?
"I left Fort Erie in 1967 right after the Leafs won the Stanley Cup, so it might be my fault."
Okay, but did you know that in 1968 CBC also started playing that song that everybody hates now? So, there's 2 reasons to hope. Finally, Ron, is there a message you'd like to send to the team and it's fans, something you might write on a blackboard, or put on a banner to hang in the dressing room? What will be the character of this team with you behind the bench?
"The only thing I guarantee is this team will not accept defeat. If they go down, they'll go down swinging."
Awesome. Ron, you get a gold star beside your name. Keep it up. Try to get a whole row. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for coming to Toronto.
From the Branches: Probability is a funny thing
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