Top Ten Leafs Games, 2008-9, Sensational Season-Ending Super-Post Spectacular!

With just one game left on the schedule for our beloved Blue and White, this season is very nearly in the history books, and seriously, it couldn't come too soon. But despite an awful record and missing the playoffs for a fourth straight year, there were some occasional highlights and a few moments of joy. So, in the same spirit as The Passion Returns, we'll take a look back at 2008-9, where Spirit Was All There Was, and celebrate the Top Ten Leafs Games of the season.
#10

January 15/09 vs. Colorado Avalanche, Leafs win 7-4.

The Leafs were a pretty depressing hockey team in mid-January, but on this night in Denver Leaf fans enjoyed some much needed comedy relief. In goal for the Avalanche was the miserable Raycrap, the most despised Leafs' starting netminder ever. The game wasn't especially exciting, but the goaltending was vintage Raycroft. 7 mostly soft goals on 30 shots, the Leafs broke open a 1-1 first period tie with 3 in the 2nd and 3 in the 3rd.

Blake and Moore led the way with 3 points each, as 7 Leaf players had multiple-point nights. But the real story was the craptacular goaltending in the Avalanche net. The 6th and 7th goals, which killed any hope of a Colorado comeback, were quite hysterical. Just absolutely classic garbage soft goals, so familiar from when Raycrap was between the pipes in Toronto. Also familiar to Leaf fans was his signature style of body language after the 6th and 7th goals: an expression of utter defeat and increasing resignation so steep he might as well have jumped off a cliff. What a chump. Leaf fans can't be thankful enough to be liberated from that awful, humiliating goalie.

#9

December 16/08 vs. New Jersey Devils, Leafs win 3-2 in a shoot-out.

The Leafs extend a mid-December winning streak to 3 games by defeating the Devils for the second time this year in a shoot-out. The hero in this one was Jason Blake, whose completely unexpected spin-around move surprised Clemmensen and stole the show.

This beautiful, eye-popping move seemed to highlight the fact that Jason Blake had turned a personal corner and rediscovered his game. Mostly it was a remarkable moment because it came near the beginning of his resurgence when many, like me, were still doubting him, only to blown away by the brilliance of Blake's magic move. I think a lot of Blake-haters became Blake-supporters after this night, while his play continued to steadily improve, right up until Antropov and some other guy got traded.

#8

October 29/08 vs. New Jersey Devils, Leafs win 6-5 in a shoot-out.

Very early on in the season the Leafs played another very exciting and memorable game against the Devils in New Jersey. Instead of the dull, low-scoring, snooze-fest these two teams normally provide when they meet each other, fans were treated to some wide-open, end-to-end action, as both teams combined for 10 goals in regulation. The Leafs battled back from a 2-0 1st period deficit to take the lead, 3-2 in the 2nd, only to have to battle back again from 4-3 in the 3rd for a 5-4 lead. Leaf nemesis Zach Parise tied the game at 5, and the teams remained deadlocked until the shoot-out. Kulemin and Parise go first in the shoot-out and both miss. Then it's Steen (who? Wait, why?) for the Leafs who also misses, and Elias who scores. Tomas Kaberle is the Leafs' 3rd shooter and he needs to score on Brodeur to keep the game from ending right there.

Kaberle comes through in the clutch with a superstar goal, and then Toskala stones Gionta to force extra shooters. Hagman is up next for Toronto and scores one of the most memorable goals this season, backhanding the puck past Brodeur while showering him in snow. Lanngennbrunnnner misses the final shot for the Devils and the Leafs skate out of New Jersey with a 6-5 victory and also a few laughs at Marty's expense.

#7

January 15/09 vs. Carolina Hurricanes, Leafs win 6-4.

Paul Maurice's first game against his former team was an eventful affair. Ian White opened the scoring on the powerplay at 12:43 of the first period. The Leafs then exploded for 3 more goals in the second to take a 4-0 lead. However, by the 8;40 mark of the 3rd, the Hurricanes had stormed back to tie the game. A powerplay late in the game gave the Leafs the opportunity to reclaim the lead - Kaberle scoring the goal that would become the game-winner at 14:35.

The real hero of the game though, was Jason Blake, who added an empty netter in the final minute to complete the hat-trick to go along with 2 assists for a 5-point night. This was, by far, Blake's best performance as a Leaf; a gutsy, inspired effort that felt like a direct statement to his old coach, Maurice, who thankfully, had very little to say after the game.

#6

March 17/09 vs. Tampa Bay Lightning, Leafs win 4-3 in a shoot-out.

"That was unbelievable", said Ron Wilson, not so much for the Leafs' remarkable comeback effort this night, but for the ovation his team received as they left the ice on a Tuesday night in Tampa Bay. Down 3-0 on the road to the Lightning, the Leafs were encouraged by the surprising number of noisy supporters and fought back to tie the game at 3 with 2 goals in the 3rd period.

The two teams went to overtime, and then to a shoot-out, and after 6 shooters had made their attempts, only 2 had scored - Lecavalier for the Lightning, and for the Leafs it was Hamilton, who'd also scored the tying goal with 5 and a half minutes to go. 5 more skaters take their shots, none with success. Finally, John F. Mitchell, the 12th shooter, mercifully finishes it, and the Leafs leave the ice as heroes to a standing ovation. Never mind the points in the standings, the playoffs, or draft picks - this was the kind of game that being a Leafs fan is all about. Every once in a while, 2 or 3 times a year, you get a game like this where Leafs Nation actually makes a difference to the outcome. "That crowd was crazy," said Cujo. "I told the guys in the room this atmosphere was like Game 6 of the Stanley Cup final".

#5

February 28/09 vs. Ottawa Senators, Leafs win 4-3 in overtime.

The Leafs head into Ottawa enjoying a 3-game winning streak at the end of February and once again Cujo gets the start and is terrific in goal. After Toronto lets a 2-0 first period lead slip away in the 2nd, Alfie the Clown then breaks the tie in the third to give the Sens a 3-2 lead.

Schenn, Van Ryn, Frogren, and even Kaberle were all healthy and in the line-up for this one, yet it was Pavel Kubina emerging as the hero of the night. Scoring a powerplay goal with 5:12 to go in the third to tie the game, Kubina then scores again in overtime, just 33 seconds in, when he finishes a nice 3-on-2 rush with Stajan and White for the victory. Another great night on the road with the Leafs leaving the ice to a standing ovation, though not exactly an unusual occurrence in Kanata.

#4

March 24/09 vs. Washington Capitals, Leafs win 3-2 in a shoot-out.

What started out as a dull, uninteresting game eventually featured one of the most dramatic endings of the season. After a scoreless first period, the Leafs and Caps exchanged goals in the 2nd. A powerplay goal by Kubina put the Leafs ahead, 2-1, with just 2:08 to go in the 3rd, but then a controversial goal by Brooks Laich, pitchforking Gerber and the puck into the net, ties the game again. At that point, with 57 seconds left in regulation and 8 games left in the season and his career hanging in the balance, the GRBRZRKR decides he's not gonna take it anymore.

Gerber heroically martyrs himself by bumping the ref and shooting the puck down the ice, resulting in a match penalty and a 3-game suspension. Enter Cujo, who makes a brilliant save in the final minute off Ovechkin, and then makes 8 sensational saves in overtime with the crowd behind him roaring louder and louder for each one. The extra period ends with Leafs fans standing on their feet. Hamilton, looking like a shoot-out specialist, opens the scoring on the first shot, giving Cujo all he would need as he then stones Backstrom, Semin, and finally Alexander the Great in stunning succession. The Leafs win it, their 4th in 5 games, and Joseph is named the first star - a great way to remember a great Leaf goaltender.

#3

January 8/09 vs. Montreal Canadians, Leafs lose 2-6.

Now why would a 4-goal loss be included in the Top Ten Leaf games of the season, especially a loss to those dirty, disgusting Habs? Well, even though the score here is a little disappointing, there was an even bigger score that needed to be settled, and the Leafs responded the way they should, with passion and defiance, sometimes known as "piss and vinegar".

Brad May, acquired one day earlier by Brian Burke, set the tone early, providing a strong example for rookies like Grabovski and Schenn to follow. Mayers, quiet for most of the season up to this point, also stepped up and delivered, scoring a decisive victory over Kostopoulos in the 2nd period, landing about 7 or 8 solid jabs in a row, which is still about a thousand less then he deserved. The two teams combined for 150 penalty minutes as the Leafs proved they weren't afraid to make a mockery of a hockey game just to make a statement.

This moment, for me, is one of the most important moments, not just of this season, but potentially in this whole re-building process. While Grabbo's spirit may have gone a bit too far, at least it was goin' in the right direction - towards the Montreal players, and not towards his bench. Just like the GRBRZRKR's experience, Grabbo earns a 3-game suspension, yet it was all easily worth it. As he leaves the ice, arms raised above his head in a double peace-sign salute, there's a sense of triumph and satisfaction, and suddenly, even more then after the Kostopoulos hit on Van Ryn, the Leafs-Habs rivalry is wonderfully re-ignited and meaningful again, and looks like it will be for as long as Grabbo's blazing red hair runs wild and free for the Blue and White.

#2

November 1/08 vs. NY Rangers, Leafs win 5-2.

The Leafs begin the month that matters with a bang. The best game Chemmy ever watched in his entire life. Looking for their 4th win in 5 games, these young Leafs were starting to generate some excitement and optimism after only 10 games. Down 2-0 in the third with 10 minutes to go, the Leafs didn't give up and neither did the fans. Finally, at 12:36 of the 3rd, it was John F. Mitchell sparking the comeback.

“I just fist-pumped as many times as I could,” said Mitchell, whose contagious energy was caught by the fans and then amplified back to the team as they seized the momentum. “It certainly was a burst of energy—it came all at once,” said Moore. “It seemed like it must have been pent up. With the fans, as well, they sort of released their (energy) all together.” Suddenly the Leafs were buzzing in the Rangers' zone, and just 1:26 later Jason Blake's tip ties the game. 52 seconds after that, Kubina hammers one from the point and gives the Leafs the lead, but they weren't done yet. A minute and 12 seconds later, Mitchell scores again to make it 4-2, and then finally, 1:51 after that, Mitchell assists on the last goal of the game from Dominic Moore. 5 Leaf goals in 5 minutes and 21 seconds, and with each one, the crowd at the ACC seemed to get louder and louder. It was a magical night, the kind of game that dreams are made of, and a reminder of a what things might be like in Toronto when we finally have a contender capable of playing with this kind of energy and firepower every night.

#1

February 21/09 vs. Vancouver Canucks, Leafs lose 2-3 in a shoot-out.

Is anyone surprised? The Mats Sundin game is my choice for the number 1 Leaf game of the year. This was a game for the history books. For all the build up, for all the hype, for all the heartache and love that Mats Sundin had left behind, there was no disappointment with this one, only grace and magic. The most compelling and moving moment on ACC ice this season was proudly delivered by those Leaf fans in attendance, directed at the former Captain, whose years of leadership and excellence were far from forgotten.

It's not too often that you get to see a perfect game, but this was it. Even if it had been scripted, no one would care, 'cause it was the right script. The game goes to a shoot-out, and after Grabovski scores a beautiful goal on Luongo, the final shooter, with a chance to win the game for Vancouver, is Sundin.

Yes! You couldn't ask for more drama then that. The noise from the crowd as the Canucks celebrate is unbelievable. What a turn of events. What a finish. What a way for Mats Sundin to return to Toronto and make everything right. And what a night for Leaf fans who demonstrated that they are the greatest, classiest, and most passionate hockey fans the sport has ever seen. While the Leafs may have lost the game, they gained a sense of closure on the past, and a truly emotional lift that helped them to win their next four games. Nevermind the final score, for which records show the Leafs gaining a single point for an overtime loss, this game was perfect, and you can't do better then that.

Thanks to everyone who made it all the way through the season and this post. Hope you enjoyed my list and if there's a game that you think was worth mentioning let me know. There's still one game left, Saturday against Ottawa, and I expect the Leafs to go all out. Should be a good end to a mostly bad season.

By the way, there's only 2 days left in my poll, so if you haven't voted, do it quick, before it's too late!

Live From Leaf Nation, It's Saturday Night!

For the first time ever, a simultaneous posting! As if there's anybody who reads this blog that doesn't read PPP, but just so it doesn't get lost in the shuffle over there, and to pad my post total for the month over here, a double presentation of the exact same post!

This is going to feel like a long weekend, but not in a good way. I'm very happy with the way the Leafs played last night in Buffalo, and while I don't normally want them to play on back-to-back nights with travel, there's an aching desire to see them play tonight that won't be fulfilled. Except that it's not an aching desire, it's the natural order of things and the unpleasantness that I'm feeling is that order being disrupted. A Saturday night in December without the Maple Leafs is like Christmas without Santa. Like Halloween without candy. Like Wheel of Fortune without Vanna. It's like, what's the point? I waited all week for this. I had plans! I was going to watch hockey. And not just any hockey - not 2 boring conference rivals with marquee players battling for playoff positions - heck no, I was going to watch the Leafs! That's what I do every Saturday night in the winter. Those are my plans and I can't change them now.

This is a hot topic for me that I've touched on once before. Being "poor" means that I don't pay for cable, and that CBC is the only TV station I can watch that shows hockey, and Saturday nights are usually my only opportunity to see the Leafs play on "the big screen" (my TV) and not on my wife's Mac. This month alone, there are two Saturday nights, tomorrow and the 27th, that are devoid of Leaf hockey. December is a cold, and cruel month where the days keep getting shorter and darker. Enduring two Saturdays without the Leafs is unfair at this time of year and something need to be done to ease the suffering.

I think whatever the Leafs are doing Saturday night, the CBC should be covering it. As a Canadian taxpayer, I have a right to demand that CBC program what I want to watch, and on Saturday nights I want to watch the Leafs, even if they're not playing. Screw the NHL! And screw the Habs and the Senators as well. Whatever the Leafs are doing Saturday night, I wanna be there. It's not even about hockey. It's about me and the Leafs and Saturday nights.

So then I got to imagining what the Leafs might be doing. I doubt they'll all be hangin' out together, but it would be cool if they were. The CBC should do a show like that with all of them just hangin' out on a Saturday night in a big house, watching TV, watching hockey, talking about stuff... maybe not. An even better idea would be some sort of American Gladiators/Battle of the Network Stars/Extreme Elimination Challenge show, with all of the Leafs competing in hilarious obstacle course competitions. Man, that's like the best idea I've had in ages.

So what are the Leafs going to be doing Saturday while we're all not watching them? Here's a look at how they might take advantage of this rare Saturday Night Privacy (Hopefully this will inspire future fan-fic material from LD and Archimedes.):

Wilson: Would like to have a nice relaxing dinner and maybe go see a funny movie, and if you approach him and want to talk about hockey he will disintegrate you with his death stare.

White and Hollweg: Are gonna watch some old Kung-Fu movies, drink a few beers, and trade 'stache-grooming secrets.

Antropov and Ponikarovsky: A camera will be set up on a tripod. One will sit on one side of the room eating cheeseburgers and the other will sit on the other side of the room, also eating cheeseburgers. Then a conversation will take place, very slowly and deliberately, analyzing which cheeseburger was the most satisfying. Then they will realize that the lens cap was still on the camera and they'll have to do it all over again. Later, Ponikarovsky will vomit in the bathroom while Antropov watches motorcycle racing on satellite TV. The video, meanwhile, will be labeled "Antro/Poni/CheeseburgerDiscussion/Vol.459" and put in a vault with the others.

Moore and Mayers: Will be signing autographs, making public appearances, visiting children in hospitals and orphanages, also the mall, and generally letting people know who they are and reminding them that they play for the Maple Leafs.

Stajan: Will be at home smoking dope and reading comic books by himself. X-Men is his favorite, but he also likes Fantastic Four. Kaberle will try to call him around 10:30pm, but Stajan never picks up the phone after 9pm.

Kaberle and Kubina: Have plans to rent a movie and hang out but an honest misunderstanding with a hooker and her pimp prevents Kubina from ever making it to the video store. Around 10:30pm Kaberle gets tired of waiting for Kubina and calls Matt Stajan but there's no answer. Dejected, he goes home and decides to ride his exercise bicycle while counting backwards from 5000 to 1 and then goes to bed. The next morning, Kubina wakes up in his car, not sure what he's doing on a side street in Pickering, or why there's an extra 200 dollars in his wallet.

Blake: Will spend the night playing with his very own custom created Jason Blake Action Figure Doll with Fist-Pump Action-Arm, reminiscing about his greatest goals, and especially about the time that he would've punched a small child wearing a Leafs jersey in the face except for the glass that got in the way.

Hagman and Grabovski: Plan on making various mixed drinks using whatever exotic fruits they can manage to cut open. Grabovski is really the creative genius here while Hagman documents his art with still photography that he publishes on the internet.

Schenn: Will spend the night in meditation, cultivating the mystical and cosmic energies of the universe into one all-powerful force within him, ready to be unleashed at the appropriate time in the first round of the playoffs.

Frogren: Will host a great feast for his people, welcoming the various tribes of his clan with songs of glory and honour, and entertaining them with tales of conquest and debauchery.

Van Ryn, Mitchell, Kulemin, Toskala, Stralman, Sifers, Williams, Finger, and Cujo: Are going to get together for a game of open-air shinny, over at Withrow Park, which is right near my house. That's where I'll be too, playing alongside them in the cool night air, laughing joyously at the freedom of playing our own game, for ourselves, for fun. No refs, no score, no pressure, just the sounds of skates cutting through ice and pucks bangin' off boards echoing through the neighboorhood as we lose track of time and who we are, and play on and on until the lights go out at 11pm. Afterwards, our faces flush and glowing from the cold and the exercise, we'll all walk back to my house together. where, as I say goodnight, Van Ryn, Mitchell, Kulemin, Toskala, Stralman, Sifers, Williams, Finger, and Cujo will wave goodbye together, and break into a spontaneous chorus of He's A Jolly Good Fellow. As they turn and continue their merry way down the street, skates slung over sticks, resting comfortably on their shoulders, I notice Van Ryn extend a warm smile to Kulemin and say, "Don't you wish every Saturday could be like this?"

Into the night, go Leafs, go.

It's Not Funny If It Isn't Raycroft

Hey, Vesa!!

"What's up?"

Knock, knock;

"Umm, okay. Who's there?"

An 8-78..."Uh... an 8-78-who?"

An .878 save percentage - that's you!"Aww, geez, I should have seen that one coming."

Ya. And that's what she said.

"Oh, wow. Another. It was like the rebound was the perfect set up."

Ya, I know. Something to think about.

Hockey At The Gardens

I have an idea I'd like to share with everybody, and as I've been sensing a fair amount of nostalgia lately for the old Maple Leaf Gardens, now seemed like a good time to do it.
Here's the idea: put hockey, specifically Maple Leaf hockey, back in Maple Leaf Gardens. Here's how I would do it:

*MLSE should buy Maple Leaf Gardens
*The Marlies should play there
*It should be open to public skating
*It should be renovated to include a museum, or better yet, the Hockey Hall of Fame should be moved in.
*The Maple Leafs should play 5 home dates a season at the Gardens, one each against the other 5 Original Six teams.
MLSE should buy the Gardens back from the current owners, Loblaws*, who are doing nothing with it right now. I live and work near Carlton St. and it saddens me everytime I go by it to see it sitting empty, unused, and abandoned. The building is an untapped goldmine that was once, and could be again, the hub of hockey culture.

The Marlies should play at Maple Leaf Gardens and not the Ricoh. Attendance and interest would at least double if they played in that location. It's so central, it's so easy to get to, and it conveys a sense of prestige and excitement. It's the difference between "going to a game" and "attending an event". To bring that atmosphere to the Marlies would be terrific for the fans, but also probably, the players.

Personally, I miss the Gardens so much. I used to say I would pay 20 bucks just to walk around inside the building. I'd easily pay $20 to skate on the ice. I just loved the way it felt to be there. Like a privilege. Like witnessing history. I've been to the Pyramids, I've been to the Coliseum, I've been to the Great Wall of China, and I'd put seeing a hockey game (or skating on the ice) at Maple Leaf Gardens in the same category of cultural richness. Seriously.
It is a hockey Mecca. It should be renovated to include a museum, or even better the Hockey Hall of Fame should be moved there. I don't like where the Hall is now, at the far end of a food court underneath BCE Place. It looks good on the outside at the old bank building on the corner of Yonge and Front, but that's not where the entrance is; the entrance is in a mall. Maple Leaf Gardens, itself a colossal monument of hockey history, would be a more appropriate location.

The Best Part Of The Idea!

The points above are good but the whole reason for doing any of it is this: the Maple Leafs should play 5 home games a season at Maple Leaf Gardens, one each against the other 5 Original Six teams. Each of these games could be billed as "black-tie" affairs, with huge mark-ups for ticket prices. Seats in the Reds and Golds could be like $300 and $500. Part of the revenue could be donated to a different charity for each game, and they could have food and clothing drives as well. Celebrities and Corporate sponsors could be honoured publicly at the games, while enjoying ultra-exclusive social functions before and after.
Imagine if tonight's game against the Habs was at the Gardens. The atmosphere would be electric. What a treat it would be to be able to attend that game, to be able to walk into the building, and feel the energy and the vibe, to know that something special was happening and to be a part of it. For when a building has seen so many wins and so many losses, they become part of the continuing story - the spirit of the audience, and while the results are recorded, it's the emotion that is remembered.

Tonight's game would have added excitement, not because of the points at stake in the standings, but because of the significance of the event. It'd be like having 5 outdoor games a year. Far more important then winning, would be the spirit of the occasion. On the other hand, with the uniqueness of the event, and a super-positive crowd buzzing like crazy, the Leaf players are sure to get a lift and be inspired to play a heck of a game. It would probably be just as exciting for them as it would be for us.

So let's make this happen, MLSE. Take your unimaginative hands out of those deep, deep pockets and admit it's a no-brainer. Forget about condos for one second and recognize that hockey is not a soul-less, plastic, pretentious exercise. It is an uplifting, joyous, meaningful - and yes, spiritual - experience, and Maple Leaf Gardens is my temple.
*As of November 21, 2007, no work on-site has occurred, other than some structural testing done prior to the sale to Loblaws. All plans for construction have been put on hold until at least 2008 due to the financial state of Loblaws.

On Monday, September 8, 2008, Matt Damon hosted a concert in support of the charity ONEXONE. It was the first concert at Maple Leaf Gardens in 8 years. Maple Leaf Gardens was last open to the public on October 4, 2008 as a part of Toronto's Nuit Blanche contemporary art celebration.

Well, It's Not Gonna Be That Guy

Lately there's been some discussion about who the next Captain of the Maple Leafs will be if Mats Sundin decides not to return. So rather then think about the players most qualified to wear the "C" (Kaberle), instead I decided to work from the bottom and go through a process of elimination. However, listing reasons why they would be unsuitable is too easy, so instead I've tried to come up with the best arguments for the worst choices you could make. Not meant to be taken seriously. An exercise in anxiety release. It's pointless but it feels good.

Mark Bell should be Captain of the Maple Leafs.
He has had to battle through tough times and overcome adversity, and is (hopefully) now a model citizen. No stranger to accepting responsibility, Mark can be counted on to lead in a positive manner (from now on). The best reason, however, is that he smoked Daniel Alfredsson. Making Bell the Captain would be the sweetest icing on the cake/kick in the crotch, and might drive Sens' fans over the edge.

Jeff Finger should be the Captain of the Maple Leafs. He has a powerful and impressive sounding last name and has already earned a legendary "mystique" in hockey-mad Toronto. Also, his huge contract justifies the added pressure and expectations he'll receive from the fans and media, so it'll be a comfortable fit. Despite not having played a single game as a Maple Leaf, Finger is already one of the most talked about players on the team, yet he's maintained a cool, even elusive presence. This is the only photo of him in existence.

Carlo Colaiacovo should be named Captain of the Maple Leafs. This is basically the rotating Captain idea, except officially, only Carlo is named. Everyone will get a chance to pass it around all year long though as Carlo watches from the surgery ward's recovery room. His blood and guts effort, along with his inevitable sacrifice will inspire the team to raise the level of their game, again and again.

Jason Blake should be named Captain of the Maple Leafs. Blake is a former 40-goal scorer, a Masterton trophy winner, and a veteran leader who knows how to lead on a losing team. Blake has played 8 full seasons in the NHL and has appeared in 590 career games in which he's fired an incredible 1,809 shots on goal. Blake has also seen action in 24 playoff games in his career and has scored a total of 3 career playoff goals. Wait, that can't be right... No, it is. 3 playoff goals. Jason Blake commands respect.

Jiri Tlusty should be named Captain of the Maple Leafs. Tlusty is a young star who is popular with the media and isn't shy in front of the camera. No stranger to the spotlight, Tlusty has created excitement and widened fan interest with his colourful personality, passion, and inhibition for attention.

Bryan McCabe should be named Captain of the Maple Leafs......in a mock ceremony with hidden camera's and paid actors pretending to be fans and media, then everyone yells "Surprise! You play for the Florida Panthers now!" Just to see the stupid look on his stupid face.

Hockey Or Death!

"My dream and the best scenario would be if I ended my career as a Toronto Maple Leaf. That hasn't changed. But I'm not going to say that I'm not going to play anywhere else either, because I'm not really in control of that".

I've never seen anyone in such complete control of their destiny as Mats Sundin is now. Yet the battle rages on. If only this juggernaut of indecision could be defeated, if only the Dragon of Doubt in his mind could be struck down with a mighty cry, "Hockey Or Death!" Reminds me of Shakespeare's Hamlet. Rather, Mats Sundin reminds me of a Hamlet who's dropped out of high school, smokes too much weed, and won't stop watching the Discovery channel in the basement.
"To be, or not to be... that is the fucked up shit..."

"Would you please get a job!!"

"Mom, I told you a hundred times, I don't know what I wanna do!"

A long time ago I sarcastically suggested that Cliff simply give Sundin the control to make his own decision about returning and what kind of environment he'd like to be in. Then, upon the hiring of Ron Wilson, I took that as an indication that Cliff was here to stay, and that Mats Sundin still had the door held open for him, so long as his heart wasn't set on a Stanley Cup ('cause we know he's not about the money; Guy Carbonneau said so).

And so we waited. It rained a lot this summer. More then usual.

The negotiating rights to Sundin were traded away to bitter rivals, Montreal, but I concluded that it was insignificant, that Sundin had no interest in signing anything before July 1st. At that point, he had only two things on his mind: arctic fishing, and vowing never to go to Mark Messier's New York hair salon ever again. It's a scam. All they do is shave your head and charge you $70! Sure your head smells like flowers for a week, but it's also so slippery you can't wear a comfortable hat on a windy day. Time passed. Arctic fishing was a huge success. You should have seen him at it, he was unbelievable! If only this sport had the same kind of following as the NHL, Sundin's brilliance would be twice as legendary. So many fish overcome by raw talent. They never had a chance.

Meanwhile, I interrupted a post to announce the breaking news that Cliff Fletcher was doing everything he could to make the Captain comfortable for the upcoming season in Toronto. The funny part though, was that's exactly what Cliff said he was going to do, back on May the 28th.

"After I sit down and tell him what we have in mind- (which wasn't for public consumption then) -I think a clear picture will emerge for him", Fletcher said. "I think he'll be more comfortable."

Well, the Silver Fox made his moves, acquiring Grabovski, Hagman, Hollweg, Mayers, Finger, and Frogren. The public has consumed this information and developed opinion. A clear picture has emerged!
Montreal: You suck.

Vancouver: You suck worse.

Sweden's boring. Even in the summertime.

Of course Mats Sundin is a little sad about last season, but a broken heart can love again. Like all romantic losers, Robert Smith of The Cure loves the Leafs, and that guy's sad about everything.Robert Smith broke his heart in 1979 and made a career out of it. C'mon Mats. You can do it, too. We'll be here. Waiting in the rain. Wanting to die, or just to be given a little attention. Just like a Cure song. We're not sad anymore, Mats. Black is the colour of our love.

Maple Leafs Nation: Meet The D-Men

I'm assuming that Bryan McCabe is here to stay. If he doesn't want to go, there's not much that can be done. I do think there is reason to hope, however. This group of Leaf D-men, as is, seems solid enough for now, and may even overachieve. Disaster-waiting-to-happen, or not, this is what the Leaf defence should look like going into this season:

Bryan McCabe: The big question for me is why would McCabe want to stick around? His relationship with Leaf Nation is at an all-time low, perhaps even toxic. He must be aware of the size of the target on his back, but he seems stubbornly unaware of the "kick me" sign just above it. Could be a rough year for McCabe, but if he's determined to stay, then I hope he's equally determined to give it all he's got. If he can re-invent the can-opener and find the opponents net with his big shot, he might survive. Also, I'd pair him up again with Kaberle. They have a strange chemistry together. Individually, they have limits to their talents and abilities. Together, they can be one of the most magical tandems in the NHL.Tomas Kaberle: Personally, my favorite player on the Leafs, my favorite player in the league, and has been for some time now. Last year was the first season where I was disappointed in his play. I wrote Damien a letter, which he never printed or responded to, pointing out Kaberle's "startling non-commitment to execution". Then he won the accuracy shooting contest. I'm still not sure if that proved my point or defeated it. Tomas has a Jari Kurri-esque quality about him. He's quiet, cool, calm, some might even say passionless. Yet he's in on almost every scoring play, he's on the ice in all key situations, and nobody (seriously, nobody) carries the puck from one blue line to the other as efficiently or as smoothly.

Pavel Kubina: Took a lot of criticism at the beginning of the year, but then became a solid #2 defenceman down the stretch with a couple of memorable performances and solid efforts. Pavel can obviously play with Kaberle, but can he jive with anyone else on the Leaf blue line? I think this is an important point. If he can, it takes some of the weight off of McCabe's shoulders. If he can't, then Bryan will fend for himself and so will the mystery partner.Carlo Colaiacovo: Seen here with his personal astrologer, Carlo has been having a run of bad luck, and hopes his fortunes will soon change. This is the year to turn it around for Carlo, to establish himself as an everyday NHL defenceman, and to prove he's more then just another Drake Berehowsky. I know he's better then "the Bear", and Carlo knows that, but Berehowsky might still have his own opinion. Time to put it to rest, Cola. We've seen some real heart and talent, but now we need to see a whole season of what you can do without us holding our breath. Colaiacovo is the real dark horse here. If he can be as good as I think he can be, then the Leaf defense is a lot better then I think it is. (Wow, it is easy to write like Damien!) Ian White: As long as he doesn't grow a beard mid-season, I'm cheering for Ian White. He's seems like an honest and thoughtful guy, and he has shown some heart. Not really a warrior's heart, like Carlo, more like a poet's heart, but still, it's a big heart, and I believe he sincerely cares about his performance and contribution. He sees the play well, moves the puck pretty good, and has a very valuable quality that you like to see in a 5th or 6th defenceman; sensibility.
Jeff Finger: A truly unfortunate name. Apparently no one in the Toronto Sports Writing Universe has any idea who he is. I'll admit, I'm not familiar with him either. He's described by Fletcher as a "shutdown guy", who "will bring a much needed physical element" and "plays a strong positional game at both ends of the ice". Well, if he's anything like Sylvain Lefebvre or Bob Rouse, or one half of one and one half of the other, then Cliff has done well to correct 2 mistakes he made in the past by letting those guys go. Anton Stralman: Appeared in 50 games as a Maple Leaf last year, registering 9 points, but was a disappointing minus 10. He's not a big D-man, similar to White, at only 180 pounds, but he can carry the puck and shoot, and it's a beautiful sight whenever a Leaf can go end-to-end. He's not a fighter, though, as you can see from this weird "gloves-on" scrap with Ilya Kovalchuk. Entertaining though, and as soon as Carlo goes down for the first time, I'm sure Stralman will be appearing in the Big Show.
Stefan Kronwall: May or may not be part of the Leafs' future. Another Swedish defenceman that would probably rather be playing in Detroit, Kronwall only appeared in 18 games last year with the big club, and failed to register a point. He also had a seriously ugly moment when, with Leaf playoff fantasies and mathematical possibilities hanging in the balance, decided to simply give up on a play, allowing Bruins forward, Phil Kessel, an uncontested breakaway, while attempting to give instructions through sign-language to the bewildered linesman. Almost unforgivable at the NHL level, if it had actually been a playoff game, I don't think you would have ever seen him again. Luke Schenn: Saviour. Cornerstone. The Foundation. The Franchise. The Future. Our Hopes and Dreams. Please, please, for the love of all that is holy, please don't suck.

How Creepy Glenn Sabotaged Our Future

Yesterday, in a chilling and stark ceremony that featured pagan ritual, witchcraft, and the drinking of goat's blood, Glenn Anderson was inducted in to the Hockey Hall of Fame, while former Leaf captain and franchise saviour, Doug "Dougie" Gilmour, was not. Yet another bitter kick in the teeth for those of us that remember Game Six.

For those that don't realize the significance of yesterday's event, let me explain: Late in the third period, after Wendel Clark heroically ties the game as the extra attacker with his third goal, setting up overtime, Anderson decides on his own to make up for it by putting the Leafs down a man for overtime with a completely stupid, pointless, and obvious hit from behind on an L.A. player. If you don't know what happened after that, see the "special feature" in my very first post: The Greatest Screw Job Ever in the History of Sports. Then read every NHL Sourcebook since 1994, and then read today's newspaper. Then come back to reading my blog. (There, now you're all caught up)

But what if Anderson had never thrown that stupid hit? How different would our world be today? Global warming, terrorism, Paris Hilton... would any of these horrors exist, or would we be living an ideal, utopian dream, with King Wendel Clark reigning over a land of justice and harmony for all? Maybe somewhere in between. But, first of all...

Gretzky doesn't high stick Gilmour. Or, if he does, it's of little consequence, because the Leafs wouldn't be short-handed. Since Dougie was about to dump the puck the length of the ice to kill off the remainder of the penalty, "the Dastardly One" had a sense of urgency that contributed to the "high stick". If there's no penalty, Gilmour's not looking to dump the puck, and Greztky is most likely to let him carry it and try to stick-check when a defenceman pinches. No stupid Anderson penalty, no high stick.

Leafs win Game Six. The only conclusion you can draw is that if there'd been no high stick, then the Leafs would have won Game Six. Otherwise, none of our suffering makes any sense. So the Leafs must win that game if Anderson doesn't sabotage it. There's no other option. Probably Wendel scores his fourth, around the 5 minute mark. Clark is the overtime hero with a 4-goal game in Game Six. Leafs win and advance to the Finals to meet Montreal. Wendel's heroics go down in the hockey world as one of the greatest achievements ever. Does Cliff still trade him at the '94 Entry Draft? Perhaps, but if so, his value is way up. Maybe the Leafs get Sundin and the rights to Forsberg (ha!), or more realistically, maybe instead of Garth "the" Butcher, they get Adam Foote. Imagine then, the Leaf defense evolving in to a six-pack that looked like this by 1999: Yushkevich, Markov, Kaberle, McCabe, Foote, and... Bryan Berard, because...

Bryan Berard doesn't get high-sticked in the eye by Hossa. Kerry and Wayne conspired to set the precedent that certain star atheletes in the NHL can wave their sticks around players faces and get away with it. Without that precedent, maybe Hossa feels less inspired to act like Zorro, and more encouraged to keep his stick on the ice. Okay, maybe this one's a stretch, but really, if Anderson had never thrown that stupid hit, everything would be different. Everything. Even your breakfast cereal. Wendel would be on the front of the box. Because...

Leafs win the Stanley Cup in 1993 and again in 1994. It's pretty obvious isn't it? I don't have to explain that one. Probably they win the Cup again in 2000 and 2001 also, since the pressure is completely off and the city is behind the team like never before. Multiple parade routes are planned with each championship, and each time celebrations take over the city and no one has to go to work for three weeks. Every Leaf player on the 93-94 team becomes an eternal legend in Toronto, even Krushelnyski. Gilmour, after scoring a hat-trick in Game One, having six assists in Game Two, scoring the winner in triple overtime in Game Three, and then adding a goal and 2 assists in an 8-0 blowout over Patrick Roy and the Habs for the 4-game sweep, wins his first of 2 back-to-back Conn Smythe Trophies. Fourteen years later, Gilmour goes through to the Hockey Hall of Fame. Meanwhile, Creepy Glenn, who scored 498 career goals, but failed to score the 2 that mattered most, is left out, year after year, again and again, and no one sheds a tear.

So, in mock tribute to Anderson's "accomplishments" let us present our nomination for a new chapter to DownGoesBrown's immortal classic, "How To Fight When You Don't Want To Fight". Congratulations Dougie, in our hearts, you're already in the Hall of Fame.

Ron Wilson And Me

Here's a fun thing to do: Take quotes from someone else's coverage of a press conference, and use them out of context to create a dialogue between 2 people. In this case, let's use Paul Hunter's piece, which was really well done, great job and all that, and the two people in conversation will be new Leaf head coach Ron Wilson, and me.

Welcome Ron, and thank you for inviting me out for coffee with you. I must admit, when I saw you in the washroom at Pearson I was surprised that you approached me. Tell me, why did you want to do this imaginary interview with an ordinary sportsblogger after the press conference?

"You can get fooled by what other people write about you. Did I actually say that? Did I really do that?"

I think you did, but I get your point too. Good irony. Kinda like Damien's piece today. I thought it was going to be about you, but instead it was about playing baseball backwards and Frank Thomas, and had nothing to do with reality. Kinda like this interview. Moving on... any words for Sundin? Anything you'd like to say directly to Mats before he makes his decision on returning?

"Making the playoffs is not our goal. Our goal is to win the Stanley Cup. Period."

Wow. I've been waiting for a leader on this team to say those exact words ever since Pat Quinn left.

"I don't have Pat Quinn's presence. He walks into a room and it's a parting of the Red Sea."

Wow. Like Moses. So which Biblical figure would you be?

"Not the Antichrist."

Whoah. Let's hope not. How 'bout we step away from religion for a second. I hear you like Saturday Night Live movies?

"I'd kill to meet Will Ferrell. I think he's the funniest guy on the planet. I should probably say Mike Myers now."

Weird. Funniest guy on the planet, eh? You obviously haven't read DownGoesBrown. And, um, the second guy you mentioned, who's that? Never heard of him. Seriously though, you did say something there that was interesting that I'd like to follow up on. If a meeting with Mr. Ferrell can be arranged, who would you kill?

(Long silence)

"Darcy Tucker for years was one of my favorite players, but... (another long silence) he's starting to wear down."

So, it'd be like a mercy thing. I get it. Speaking of movies, wanna go see a flick or something with me sometime? Would your wife mind?

"Hopefully I'll be able to go to a movie, maybe in a disguise... but I don't want you to think I'll be the guy in the back row in a raincoat with a box of popcorn."

No, I know that guy. He sends e-mails to Howard Berger. Changing the subject.. do you know anything about a curse or a hex on the Leafs?

"I left Fort Erie in 1967 right after the Leafs won the Stanley Cup, so it might be my fault."

Okay, but did you know that in 1968 CBC also started playing that song that everybody hates now? So, there's 2 reasons to hope. Finally, Ron, is there a message you'd like to send to the team and it's fans, something you might write on a blackboard, or put on a banner to hang in the dressing room? What will be the character of this team with you behind the bench?

"The only thing I guarantee is this team will not accept defeat. If they go down, they'll go down swinging."

Awesome. Ron, you get a gold star beside your name. Keep it up. Try to get a whole row. Thank you for your honesty and thank you for coming to Toronto.

Is There A "Todd Gill" That Isn't Todd Gill?

(This post dedicated to CoxBloc for opening the "doors of perception")

I'd like to see a campaign that would bring Todd Gill in as head coach of the Toronto MapleLeafs. I'm not sure what he's doing now, maybe sun-tanning by the pool with "Crazy Legs" Jamie Macoun, or maybe he's studying cultural anthropology and he's writing his thesis. Or maybe he's sportsblogging. I don't know. Whatever he is doing, he should stop failing at it and come to Toronto, be the new Leaf coach, and start failing at that instead.

Todd Gill was one of the guys I was happiest for in'93, 'cause he stuck to it and survived through some very tough times as a MapleLeaf. I remember a TV interview with him before Pat Burns was coach and he wasn't getting much playing time. He said, "I just want to play. I just want to compete and do what it takes to win. I just want to play hockey." I'm paraphrasing only slightly, but that's basically what he said, and it... well, got to me. Todd Gill knows hard work. He knows defeat. He knows about getting up and trying again. He knows there's always a ray of hope. There's always "The Dream". These are the qualities the next head coach of the MapleLeafs is going to need to possess.

We need a "Todd Gill" (and as far as I know there's only the Todd Gill). Not a powerplay specialist. Not a crafty, off-the-cuff, wiley, coy, cagey, smug, sarcastic, intellectual, ex-cop. Not a proven success. We need the opposite. We need stubborn stick-to-it've-ness. Yes, fans used to go to Leaf games with pylons on their heads and point at number 23 and shout, "I'm Todd Gill!", but he had a stick-to-ti've-ness that led the league, and he was as stubborn as they come.

The words "individual effort" and "Todd Gill" don't come together naturally. Todd Gill was a team player. When he scored a goal it was because everyone contributed. That's the kind of player Todd Gill was. That's the kind of coach the Leafs need.

Miracles do happen. Maybe Todd Gill can coach at the NHL level, and maybe, wow, maybe the Leafs will be in the hunt with 5 other teams for the last playoff spot, and then, who knows? (Todd Gill knows, that's who) Anything is possible!

Seriously, is there really a downside to this? If the Leafs went 4-70-8 would that be a bad thing? No, it'd be hysterical and wildly entertaining and we'd at least get one good draft pick. How much damage could Todd Gill do? Would he attempt to rescue a 4-0 blowout by putting in the goalie with the injured groin, whose first game back was 24 hours ago? Would Tucker, Stajan, and Blake defend one goal leads in the final minute? Would the last 2 games of the year be an utter disgrace? Would he have endless conversations with upper management, the media, the walls of his office, his reflection, but never face to face, eye-to-eye with one of his players? I'm not saying anyone else did that, I'm just saying that Todd Gill couldn't possibly do more harm as coach then has already been done.

I'm also totally in favor of bringing back Pat Burns, though not as head coach, but instead in a management-type role, like Executive Administrative Coordinator in charge of Cheeseburgers.

(Todd Gill was named CJHL Coach of the Year for the 2006-7 season, leading the Brockville Braves to a 28-20-6-1 record)